Has always lived in the shadow of his evil father, Dr Hershelle Kromberg. Was accepted into medical school with six distinctions in his matric year, but decided to rather go into nursing, for fear of becoming his father. A mild-mannered, sensitive nurse who just goes about his business, and likes clubbing, Liza Minelli and tight clothes. For some reason he just hasn’t found the right woman to settle down with.

Annabel was Montgomery Chandler’s bit-on-the-side for a good 15 years. Upon his death, she thought to claim her share of his money, but failing that, decided to blackmail the rest of the Chandlers. Her mortal enemy, Francesca Chandler, paid her off in a drunken stupor and she now lives on Necker Island in the Caribbean. Annabel is haughty, pompous and completely barren. Her uterus is like the Kalahari. The gossip around town is that the Evil Kromberg also had his way with her in exchange for cheap medical supplies.

The son of Clarence and Winifred Munroe. Qualified last in his class at medical school. Was accepted into Neurosurgery, because the whole selection panel played golf with his father. Qualified last in his Neurosurgery class as well. His examiners took specific note of his lapse in concentration while operating. Dr Munroe is married to Clarisa and they have no children  -his marriage is on the rocks, just like his vodka and lime.

The bastard son of Francesca Chandler and Idi Amin, dictator of Uganda. Francesca’s brief affair took place during her stint as an exotic dancer in Kampala, when she and Montgomery were on a trial separation. To protect Ernest from being eaten by his father, Francesca fled back to her husband, Montgomery Chandler, and told him that adopting black babies would soon become a thing famous and rich people did. Montgomery bought it, and Ernest moved in with the Chandlers, in their mansion. Ernest has failed entry into medical school three times, largely due to his dependency on marijuana.

Ostensibly runs Schmorgesboard Enterprises. Kromberg, son of Isaac and Nechama Kromberg, was always destined to be very evil - punching holes in his father's condoms at the age of 10, and murdering his speech and hearing therapist at the age of 13. Dr Hershelle Kromberg makes Dr Wouter Basson look like a ballet dancer. Kromberg refused to appear before the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, because "it's all in the past, we must move on, harden the fuck up." He is tense and takes many prescribed medicines.

The wife of Montgomery Chandler, and daughter of Wilma and Hendrick Vermeulen of Colesberg. Francesca would tend to the sheep on her father's farm, until she was 16. On her 16th birthday, Francesca was attracted by the bright lights of Bloemfontein and it was there that she met Montgomery Chandler. Francesca was a cashier at the Shell Ultra City, and Montgomery Chandler was just buying some sparkling mineral water, en route to his holiday home in Camps Bay. Francesca is an alcoholic, a legacy of her early days, when her father Hendrick, had her on the "dop system".

A very rich and powerful man whilst he was alive, his presence still seems to loom large in this epic drama of intrigue, and total confusion. A major stakeholder in Schmorgesboard Enterprises, Montgomery Chandler died mysteriously when his Cerebral Artery was severed by Neurosurgeon Dr Clarence Munroe. As a result, Montgomery Chandler's 40% stake in the business is up for grabs and his Estate is in dispute. He is known to have fathered many bastard children.